It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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