I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am mentally ready for anal.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
