did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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