I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
