omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize