just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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