Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
