Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
