Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
