I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
