I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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