There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize