I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
