I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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