I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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