i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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