FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All I want is dick and wine.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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