we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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