i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
