i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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