i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i think my cat just said my name.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
