Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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