What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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