Can i not drive my cunt home
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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