I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
