I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
