i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
