I'm really into asian looking animals
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
