Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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