Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
