You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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