We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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