They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
