Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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