Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you inspire me to be a worse person
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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