chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
