I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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