So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
