just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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