We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
