I want to walk on stilts...naked
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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