She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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