She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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