My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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