a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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