I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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