If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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