i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
