Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
