You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize