Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
