Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
