we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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