Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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