I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
