6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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