Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
