I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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