Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
