just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize