Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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