I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
