do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
