he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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