You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
