Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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