just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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