Jerry, you need to find god
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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