is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
