Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
