I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
