I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
