when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
