If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The air taste purple.
Randomize