I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
