If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
