i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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