I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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