i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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